Don’t get me wrong. I love Pinterest for all the wonderful ways it can be useful in my life. I pin door dec/bulletin board/program ideas for the kids in my building, I find easy and cheap ways to organize and clean things, and I occasionally try other random ideas that I find on there. But because Pinterest can (usually) become a black hole of procrastination and decreased productivity, I have decided it is actually ruining my life. Here are five reasons why:
1. My wardrobe suddenly seems completely inadequate. I don’t have a pair of pastel jeans in every color or a pair of boots to match every outfit. I have plenty of oversized sweaters, but none of them look as cute when I wear them as they do on the girls who pair them with leggings and chunky scarves, standing all nonchalantly on the steps of some ambiguous brick building like they just threw this outfit together for a quick trip to the grocery store and happened to get caught by a photographer on their way home. And then, when I click through the link of some dress I absolutely love and want to buy, I find out it’s $378. Can’t there be a Pinterest just for poor losers like me who shop the clearance racks at Target when they’re feeling like spending money? A “Thrift-erest” if you will. (Or something more clever.)
2. My hair is also inadequate. Or rather, my ability to style my own hair is lacking. I have tried many of the hair tutorials that have popped up on my homepage: “perfect ballerina bun in seconds,” “easy beach waves,” “five second up-do,” etc. I’ve twisted and pulled and curled until my scalp hurt but all I that ever comes out of the torture is a mediocre messy bun. Any hairstyle that can supposedly be reduced to 6 steps is a sham. That, or I suck at anything hair-related and I will therefore never be able to style my future daughter’s hair so I might as well have sons even though I didn’t grow up with brothers and won’t know how to raise boys and oh my god I’m going to be a terrible mother.
3. The recipes make me want to quit my job. Okay, not really, but I live and work in a dorm. I don’t have a kitchen of my own. I spend my pre-dinner desk shifts drooling over puff pastry tarts, roasted chickpeas, and broccoli fritters, and then I have to go eat whatever the cafeteria is serving that night. Are you kidding me, Pinterest? All I want to do is have the freedom to try all these amazing recipes I keep finding. For someone without a kitchen, I have far too many recipes, pinned onto MULTIPLE boards. I try to stop, but then I see a picture of an egg baked inside an avocado and I lose my shit all over again. Ugh.
4. I am planning for the future in all the wrong ways. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I am NOT one of those girls who has a wedding board but no marriage prospects. Screw that. I refuse to pin cute DIY wedding ideas (no matter how cute the mason jar centerpiece filled with daisies is!) when I have no wedding in the foreseeable future. Instead, I have begun pinning ideas for my future children. I know, I know. Probably even crazier than having a wedding board. It’s just…what if, 15 years from now when I have kids (if I don’t become a crazy cat lady, sad and alone) I can’t remember what the Perfect Playdough Recipe was?? I’ll obviously still be using Pinterest (because there’s no way that it will just be a fad that will die out in a couple years, duh), so I’ll just open it up, scroll through the millions of pins I’ve accumulated, and find that recipe I pinned back when I was 23 and planning for the happiness of my future spawn. I’M JUST THINKING AHEAD, OKAY?
5. It keeps me from getting other, more important things done. This is probably the most obvious one. How is it that I can spend an hour browsing various categories on Pinterest and it can feel like 15 minutes, but an hour of writing grade reports about my students feels like I have been stuck in an eternal vacuum of time that will never end? I’m not even accomplishing anything significant by pinning 18 outfits! It is a complete and utter waste of my time. Maybe that’s why I love it so much.